It's one of those feelings you get...

You know the ones—when you spent months, years, perhaps even you're whole life dreaming about something and then the time comes when you're on the cusp of that dream becoming reality and it's difficult, almost impossible to genuinely explain your emotional state. That's where I'm at right now.

For the longest time this trip has seemed distant;just an idea in the form of planning on scrap pieces of paper and day dreams rattling around in already too chaotic brain, restless chatter between friends trying to break up the doldrums we've gotten ourselves into. It was something to fall asleep to,a fairy tale not unlike the ones told by bedside mothers and fathers, something that brought on peaceful slumber. But it also prohibited rest; evoking a giddiness not seen since middle school romances, keeping me awake until two, sometimes three in the morning, fully knowing a ten hour work day was upon me. It was a notion that kept us going these last few months.

Now that I'm less than thirty-six hours away from beginning what will probably be the biggest trip of my life up to this point I sense I'm at a stalemate. My daily movements are mesh of surreality and commonplace action. I find myself experiencing activities like forwarding mail and mopping the bathroom floor with a acute sense of hyper-awareness similar to the sensation felt seconds before automobile accidents. And the other loose ends, the supposed "tough" things—saying goodbye to family and friends, explaining that although I cannot elaborate, it's best I don't speak to them over the next four months unless the circumstance dire—those things come like involuntary bodily movements, blinking and breathing. Perhaps because the words have been rehearsed so many times, perhaps because this "just seems natural". It's an odd state to be in, but probably a fitting introduction to what will be felt over the duration of this trip.

Scottie